When Your Latest Isn't Your Greatest
by Ninstation X
Summary: After Eggman invented the Egg Dealer, his inventions have started a downfall.
1. Giant Hot Pocket on Wheels

"I hate Sonic!" said Eggman. "So I'll need a new invention to kill him with! It needs to be big and robotic. It also should be my latest and greatest..."

"Eggman," said Bob, the evil assistant, "the hot pockets are ready."

"That's it!" exclaimed Eggman.

"Huh?"

"I'll lure Sonic into a giant microwave and chase him around in **a giant hot pocket on wheels**! Sonic will stop to eat said hot pocket and get very full. When he's stuffed and too bloated to move, I'll go and cut his head off!"

("Is it possible to be intelligently idiotic?!") Bob pondered. "That's a great idea, Eggman." ("Life is the best teacher...")

--

-Eggman is seen on top of a giant hot pocket-

"It sure is taking Sonic a long time to get here. Maybe I should have made him go through one act instead of making him go through 2. ...I'm getting kinda hungry. Maybe if I just nibble off of this giant hot pocket..."

--

"Hmm...I'm still hungry. Maybe if I just eat a little more..."

--

"Oh no, I've eaten my entire creation! Oh no, again! Sonic's coming this way, and I'm too bloated to move! I'll have to think of something fast."

Sonic approached an even more bloated than usual Eggman covered in crumbs. Sonic stared. "Dot dot dot?"

"I'm sorry, Sonic, but our princess is in another castle!" Eggman smiled nervously.

Sonic shook his head. "You disappoint me, Eggman."

Eggman cried.


	2. the Egg Telemarketer

-- At Tails's house

"Your cooking skills are something to behold, Sonic," said Tails, trying his best not to cry.

"Look, I know my cooking isn't that great," said Sonic.

"It's not that bad, Sonic," sniffled Tails.

"You're about to cry because of it!" shouted Sonic.

-Ring Ring-

"I'll get the phone," said Sonic. Sonic picked up the phone. "Hello?"

Boss Music started to play.

"Bwahahaha," laughed Eggman from the background of the phone.

"Eggman, what is this?!" yelled Sonic.

"Time to be telemarketed!" laughed Eggman as a robot got on the phone.

"Greetings," said the robot.

"Hi?" said Sonic.

"Would you like to buy timeshare?"

"No," answered Sonic.

"Then let me tell you of the benefits of going to the Galapagos islands in Winter. You see..."

"I don't want any," said Sonic.

"But what about opening up a credit account with…"

"No," said Sonic.

"It would really help you out…"

"No, it won't," said Sonic.

"Level 2 initiated," stated the robot. "Where's our money?"

"Um…I never bought anything," said Sonic.

"Don't lie to our corporation. WHERE'S OUR MONEY?!"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Level 3 initiated," stated the robot. "You think just because you're elderly, we're going to go easy on you?! GIVE US OUR MONEY, GRANDMA!"

"Um..."

"I don't care if your ribs are broken! WE WANT OUR MOOOOOOOOONEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!"

"I'm going to hang up now," said Sonic.

("He wouldn't,") Eggman thought nervously.

"MONEY MONEY MONEY," screamed the robot.

Sonic hung up the phone. The robot blew up. The boss music stopped, and a score card came up. Apparently, Sonic scored high enough for an A-Rank.

"I can't believe that happened," said Eggman.


	3. the Egg Replayer

-Bob accidentally bumped into Eggman-

Eggman screamed, "**OW! WHY YOU!?**"

"Whoops, sorry," said Bob. He then tripped and fell hard on Eggman's foot.

"**OW! WHY YOU!?**" screamed Eggman.

"You know," said Bob, "you don't need to keep using those _same_ catch phrases whenever you get hit or something."

"My catch phrases make battles more interesting, and you know it," said Eggman.

Bob sighed. "I guarantee you it doesn't. That kind of stuff makes your opponent want to just go away."

"Go away _to death_?" said Eggman.

"Probably not that far, but.."

"Aha! I know what my newest invention shall be!"

-- Later at the Park

"Parks need a high-speed course," said Sonic as he zoomed through. Suddenly, he fell into a hole. "What?" He tried to spindash to get out, but to no avail.

Eggman appeared and was looking down from the top of the hole. "Hello, Sonic. It's no use struggling, because the walls of this hole are covered in metal hard stuff."

"Metal hard stuff?" Sonic said dryly.

"I spent my time thinking of creative names for my _actual _invention, not the trap relating to it...so shut up!"

"Do you even have a real job?"

"Enough chatter. Time to face my newest creation:** the** **Egg Replayer**!"

"You really took a lot of time to come up with that 'creative name,'" Sonic said sarcastically.

"Prepare to die!" Eggman pulled out an ordinary tape recorder with an egg taped to it.

Sonic frowned. "It's not new just because you taped an egg to it."

"The point is, I avoid copyright infringement," said Eggman. He pushed the play button.

The recorder played, "**HA! LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ALL WET! HA! LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ALL WET! HA! LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ALL WET!**"

"Why does it keep repeating the same catch phrase over and over?" asked Sonic.

-In the background, "**HA! LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ALL WET!"-**

"Because now you'll be defeated, Sonic!" Eggman laughed.

-In the background, "**HA! LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ALL WET!"-**

Eggman left the hole for 5 minutes to get some ice cream. He came back and looked into the hole. "Are you defeated yet, Sonic?"

-In the background, "**HA! LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ALL WET!"-**

"No, just annoyed," said Sonic.

Eggman pulled out another recorder with an egg taped to it. "Oh yeah? Then try this!" He turned it on.

The second recorder played, "**YOUR END IS NEAR!**"

"Oh boy," said Sonic, even more annoyed.

-In the background, "**HA! LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ALL WET!" "YOUR END IS NEAR!"-**

"It's only a matter of time," claimed Eggman.

1 hour later.

-In the background, "**HA! LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ALL WET!" "YOUR END IS NEAR!" "GET A TASTE OF THIS!" "HAHA LALA!" "I DON'T LIKE YOU, SONIC!" "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!?" "SEE IF YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS DEER, SONIC!" "MY LIFE IS GOING IN A DOWNWARD SPIRAL." "YOU DEAD YET?"-**

Eggman jumped up and down in anger. "WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?"

"Huh?" said Sonic, taking something out of his ear. "I remembered Tails gave me some earplugs yesterday, so I haven't been hearing anything for an hour."

"Fine, you may have thwarted my creation, but you'll still be trapped in that hole forever!"

Tails flew in the hole and carried out Sonic.

Eggman got some more ice cream.


	4. Metal Amy

Eggman was frustrated. "I'm having scientist's block, Bob."

"Maybe looking at some of your previous creations will help you make something fantastic," suggested Bob.

"Metal Sonic, come here," commanded Eggman.

Metal Sonic entered and sighed. "Yes, Doctor?"

Doctor Eggman examined him. "YES! I know what I'll do!"

-- The Next Day at the Park

"I'm glad this park added a high-speed course," said Sonic.

Metal Sonic ran in front of Sonic and punched him down.

"Ow," said Sonic. "What if I was pregnant?"

Eggman appeared. "This time it's curtains for you, Sonic!"

"What is it this time, Eggman?" Sonic yawned.

"You'll see, Sonic! Prepare to meet _Metal Amy_!" Eggman whistled, and an Amy look-a-like robot appeared.

It spoke, "I LOVE YOU, SONNIKU! **TO DEATH**!" Metal Amy showed its metallic sharp teeth.

"That's actually a pretty scary robot," commented Sonic. "Mostly because Amy is already scary herself."

Eggman laughed menacingly. "Kill him, Metals!"

Metal Sonic & Metal Amy charged Sonic but were met with the blows of Tails, Knuckles, the real Amy, Shadow, Rouge, Omega, Vector, Charmy, Espio, Cream, Cheese, the President, Blaze, the G.U.N. Commander, Vanilla, Silver, the President's secretary, Chaos 0, Omochao, a random chao, and the Babylon Rogues.

Metal Amy was quickly blown to pieces, and Metal Sonic and Eggman escaped...with bruises.

-- At Eggman's Lair

"What was that all about?!" shouted Eggman. "You should have given better backup to Metal Amy."

"Did you see all of those characters?!" screamed Metal Sonic. "There was no way I could win."

"Well, this is all your fault," pouted Eggman.

"How is it my fault?" shouted Metal Sonic. "If you could take over the world properly, then there'd be no problem."

"You couldn't do it in Sonic Heroes, so there."

"That's because when anyone tries to conquer the world, they have to kill Sonic plus like 50 other characters. You mean to tell me that you've pretty much been the steady main villain for 15 years, and you haven't killed at least _one_ of his friends?! **EVEN CREAM!**"

"I get what you're saying," said Eggman. "I should build a Metal Silver, right?"

Metal Sonic exploded.

"Metal Silver it is then."


	5. Shorty: Hi, Sonic

"Hi, Sonic," said Eggman.

"Um...hi?" replied Sonic.

--

"...and he didn't even see it coming!" Eggman said with satisfaction.

"See WHAT coming?" asked Bob.

"Exactly," said Eggman. "I won the battle today!"

"By saying hi?"

"I caught him completely off guard."

"That's not even an invention nor physical pain inflicted towards the enemy!"

"You just can't be happy for me!" cried Eggman.

"I can't believe I stopped watching TV for this," Bob said with regret.


	6. the Egg Cook

Dear Sonic,

I want to make amends for the past. Please accept my apology. I'm good now. Let's be friends.

So meet me at Olive Garden tonight for a dinner date between _friends_.

Sincerely,

Dr. Eggman.

"What is this?!" yelled Sonic.

-- Later at Olive Garden

Eggman was sitting at a table. "Glad you could make it, Sonic." He smiled.

"Okay, cut this act out," demanded Sonic.

"What are you talking about?" Eggman said with a curious grin.

"I know this is fake," said Sonic.

"Is not. I'm good now. I promise."

"No, you aren't. This is another scheme."

"No really."

Sonic sighed. "No_, you aren't_."

"...how did you know?"

"Because you've tried this scenario at least once in every Sonic cartoon and comic."

"This was all just an act, Sonic! I've had you fooled!"

"NO YOU DIDN'T. I'm only here because Tails loves Olive Garden."

"Hiya," Tails said from his seat at a nearby table.

"It doesn't matter, because you shall all perish at the hands of my latest and greatest creation, **the Egg Cook!**"

1 minute later.

"Well...?" said Sonic.

Eggman growled. "EGG COOK?! Where is that blasted contraption!"

-Ring Ring-

Eggman picked up his Cell Egg.

"This is the Egg Cook," said the voice on the other end.

"Why aren't you here!" yelled Eggman through the line.

"Me and your other creations are on strike until you give us benefits," claimed the Egg Cook.

"Benefits? What for!"

"For putting our lives on the line every time you pit us against the blue menace. We deserve a plan to make sure our families will have enough money to survive in case we kick the bucket."

"What?!" Eggman hung up his Cell Egg _furiously_. "Is this the reason fellow mad scientists said it's a bad idea to give your creations human-like emotions?"

"I'm still trying to get revenge on you," Omega said from another table.

Eggman looked at Sonic. "Wait one minute while I sort things out. THEN EXPECT YOUR DOOM!" Eggman left.

-- One robot life-insurance plan later

"Jeez, Tails," Sonic complained. "We've been here for 3 days. Don't you think your love for Olive Garden is a bit obsessive?"

Eggman busted in. "Now I'll start from where I left off before. Perish at the culinary hands of **the Egg Cook!**"

The Egg Cook came out of the kitchen with a plate full of horderves. "Enjoy!" it said while putting the plate on Sonic's table.

"What?!" shouted Eggman. "You're supposed to be killing him!"

"Appetizers first, then demise," said the Egg Cook. It returned to the kitchen.

"Well, I am getting kinda hungry," Eggman said and reached for the horderves.

Tails slapped Eggman's hand back. "Mine!" roared Tails as he gulped them down. Eggman felt intimidated.

20 minutes later.

The Egg Cook came out with a rancid steak. "Enjoy, Sonic. _For it will be your last meal._"

"I wasn't going to eat your cooking before, and I'm definitely not eating it now that I've heard that statement," said Sonic.

"C'mon, Sonic," said Eggman, "we're friends, I swear you'll enjoy it."

"Eggman, we're not friends," Sonic said coldly.

"How about I give you a friendship bracelet, huh? Then will you eat the steak?"

"I'm leaving," stated Sonic. "Tails, you can stay here if you want to."

"I'm going to get more free breadsticks," said Tails. "Hey, Egg Cook! Where's my linguine?!"

"Right away, sir!" The Egg Cook retreated into the kitchen.

"Where's my dead Sonic?" Eggman said solemnly.


	7. the Egg Groupie

"I'm tired of that Britney Spears constantly being on the news," complained Eggman.

"Why?" asked Bob. "Pop stars always have attention going their way. Especially when they're going through problems."

"The point is, I send out weekly death threats and proclamations of world conquest to the news station, and _I'm_ not on the news, yet this Spears girl is!"

"Probably because you never end up actually taking over the world, so people just shrug you off by now," Bob explained. "Maybe you should become a Pop star, then people would pay attention to everything you do," Bob joked.

"You're right," Eggman said seriously. "I'll become a pop star, so I can capture the hearts of millions _and then pound their hearts into submission_!"

"I...was joking," said Bob.

Eggman was already gone.

-- The Next Day

"I wonder what's on?" said Bob, and he turned on the TV. It was on Mtv.

The announcer started, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you _the Pop Scientist_!"

Eggman came out to the stage in purple high heels, a purple short skirt, a bra with egg patterns, and a blond wig.

"AH!!!" screamed Bob. Bob's vision was never the same from this moment on. Even after laser eye surgery.

-On TV-

"Hello, everyone!" said Eggman. "I totally like everyone to feel good, and I totally want to rule you all, teehee."

"She's so cute!" said a misguided fan.

Eggman/The Pop Scientist started, "My first song is called _In My World, You And Your Children Will Be Enslaved For Eternity_."

-After the song-

"Her song speaks to me," said another misguided fan. "Maybe I need to make some kids then have them enslaved to get a deeper understanding of...her world..."

-In the dressing room-

"That was great, Pop Scientist!" said the Manager.

"Of course," Eggman said while combing the wig on his head. It fell to the ground.

"I'm not going to add that feature to the toy line," said the Manager. ("Even without her hair, she's still pretty,") thought the manager.

1 month later.

"Now that I've gotten my eyes redone, I can watch TV again," said Bob. "I wonder what's on?" He turned on the TV.

"Hey, do you know what's up in the Pop world?" said the Announcer.

"Not really," replied Bob.

The announcer answered, "The Pop Scientist's Platinum Hits Collection!"

"Wow," said Bob.

"Yes, for just $99.100 you can receive this awesome hits collection! Songs such as

_Everyone, kill the hedgehog!_

_This Egg is Not A Woman_

_Wow, I would love being enslaved and would voluntarily help build the Eggman Empire if given the chance_

_Boiled, not fried_

_I Didn't Recycle Because the Trash Can Was Closer Than the Recycling Bin_

and tonight join the Pop Scientist in her farewell concert, where she said to emphasize the _farewell,_" finished the announcer.

-At Amy's House-

"Sonic, I'm glad you willingly came to see me this time," said Amy.

"You threatened to kill Cream if I didn't come here," said Sonic.

"Silly Sonikku, me and Cream are friends, I wouldn't do that," she smiled with a wicked aura around her. "Let's watch a wedding show to think about our future!" She turned on the TV.

"Hi guys, it's me, the Pop Scientist, and this is your farewell concert...I mean, mine."

"She's cute," said Sonic. "Whoops, shouldn't have said that with Amy in the vicinity."

Amy destroyed the TV and went on a rampage. Sonic decided to go to the farewell concert.

-On Stage-

"Hello everyone," said the Pop Scientist. "I'd like to thank of all you for buying my Platinum Hits Collection. Hahaha...Mwahahaha!!!"

"That's not cute," said Sonic.

The Pop Scientist continued her insane laughter. "For all the funds will go towards your enslavement!" The Pop Scientist took off her wig, revealing that she was actually Eggman!

"Noooo!!!" said all the adolescent boys of America.

"Maybe I can still get a date," said one fan.

A cage fell down on the entire audience.

Eggman howled. "This big cage is what I bought with all the funds. You will be the first of millions who will serve me until your death!"

Sonic spindashed out of the cage and onto the stage.

"Gah! Sonic, I knew you'd eventually come to ruin my pretty, popful act. That's why I invented **the Egg Groupie**!"

A robotic fan with long, dirty, blond hair, a shirt with a picture of the Pop Scientist on the front, a dog who could bark a full Pop Scientist song, and no real job came to the stage. Presumably male. "Don't you dare touch my love, the Pop Scientist!"

"Go away," said Sonic.

"NO U!" The Egg Groupie approached Eggman. "PopScientist,Ilistenedtoallofyoursongsandiloveyoumarrymeandpromotemydemotape."

Eggman stared at the Egg Groupie.

It continued, "iknowusherandifyoumarrymeyoucantalktohim,isweariknowhim, didyouhearmydemotapeyetcusyoushouldgiveittoyourproducer."

Eggman blew up the Egg Groupie. "Sorry about that, Sonic. I'm just going to go home now."

--

"How was the pop star life?" asked Bob.

"It was profitable," said Eggman. "I didn't like being spied on in the shower though."

"But those pictures made it to the news, so technically you achieved your attention goal."

"I guess so."

Bob Exploded.

"What?" said Eggman.

The TV exploded.

"Oh no!" Eggman screamed. "By quitting being a pop star, I must have caused explosive results!"

Eggman exploded.

--

Eggman woke up screaming. "It was all just a dream?! Oh well. ...Did Sonic say I was cute?"

"What's going on?" asked Bob who entered Eggman's bedroom in a panic.

"Sonic said I was cute."

A/N: Credit to the setup for this plot goes to "another generic sonic fan."


	8. the Egg Spring

"I never asked you before, but what will you do with your life after you've successfully taken over the world?" questioned Bob. ("Even though it's becoming increasingly hard to believe you actually will conquer the world.")

"TAKE IT OVER!" answered Eggman.

"No, _after_ you take it over?"

"Oh um...I guess I'll just be bored and spend most of my time waiting for calls from my Grandeggs."

"Maybe if you get a fulfilling career, you won't end up being bored in your future?"

"I'm rubber, and you're glue. Whatever you say b...hahaha...Mwahahaha!!!"

Bob stared. "There was no laughter in that saying."

--

"I can't believe I have to go to Cream's tea party," said Sonic. "Cream's mother is really quite persuasive when it comes to pleasing her daughter."

Shadow was seen shooting things in the distance.

-- At Cream's House.

-Sonic entered Cream's room-

"...and I said, 'The women and children should perish first!'" laughed Eggman while sipping tea.

Cream cried. "Why are you such a bad person?!" She ran out of the room.

Eggman scoffed. "Kids just don't understand the advantages of downsizing the population by death."

Sonic frowned at the speed of light. "Eggman, why are you here!"

"I was coming to destroy you when I ran into Cream's mom. ...Cream's mother is very persuasive when it comes to pleasing her daughter," stated Eggman in a monotone voice. "Anyway, I'm here to destroy you, but let's have some more of this fine tea, first."

-- After teatime

"And I said, 'Eggman's the most ugly thing I've ever seen EVER. It's a disgrace to humanity to call him 'human,''" laughed Sonic.

"I don't think that joke is very funny," said Eggman.

"I told it, because I don't like you," stated Sonic.

("What was I here for again?") thought Eggman. "Oh yeah! Sonic, you're going to be deader than dead, this time!"

"It's hard for me to grasp a state that isn't possible to attain by humanistic standards."

"Stop it! I'm a scientist, and I don't get what you said. Leave the witty commentary to me."

"Ha! You were never witty."

Eggman was distraught from the personal attack. "...**the Egg Spring**!"

"Having problems forming introductions?" Sonic snickered.

"I just...I hate you, Sonic the Hedgehog!" Eggman teared up. He tried to toughen up. "As I was saying -sniff-, it's my latest and gre...I don't know if I can do this anymore..." Eggman ran out of the room leaving his invention behind.

"I feel good knowing that I successfully defeated Eggman emotionally," said Sonic, and he left Cream's room feeling accomplished.

Cream reentered her room to see an Eggman invention. It had a note attached: ("On the off chance I'm not physically here to announce my latest and greatest creation, I'll just mention its capabilities here. The Egg Spring is a metal ball that is covered with springs. Sonic will try to destroy it by bouncing on it, but it won't work because he'll bounce off! Now that I think about it, I forgot to add a counterattack. Oh well, I guess once Sonic is bounced off, he'll notice his shortcomings and go home and cry or something. Hahaha.

If found, please return this invention to 142 Yolk Terrace.")

Cream read the note and came to one conclusion: "Maybe Mr. Invention wants some tea!" She went up to the Egg Spring to offer tea but accidentally activated it.

Cream's house was very soon demolished, and the Egg Spring bounced its way towards civilized, unanthropomorphic society.

--

Eggman burst into his home and ran to his room. He locked his door.

Bob knocked on the door. "Are you okay, Egg-honey?"

"Can't you see that I'm upset!" cried Eggman. "I need alone time to think of that bleeping blocker spurpertimer, Sonic!"

("You know someone's really mad when they make up nonsense words in their fit of anger.") Bob left.

Eggman pouted. "Stupid Sonic and his jerkiness. I'll kill him one day. Then his soul will be sorry!"

"Eggman," Bob called, "sorry to disturb you, but you've got a call from the President."

Eggman squealed like a school girl and rushed to the phone. "Yes? Is this about my 37th proposal to nuke Alaska? I just knew that my passion against Eskimos would be recognized eventually."

"Look, Eggman," said the President, "I'm willing to negotiate anything you want, just stop that thing that's bouncing the entire nation to shambles!"

"I can't stop hip-hop," replied Eggman.

"What?"

"It's here to stay. I can't stop it."

"Not that! Your creation covered in springs."

"Oh that, the Egg Spring, it's my latest and greatest creation, and it shouldn't be activated, but I'll take what life throws at me. So anyway, the answer is yes: I will become supreme ruler of the world, and you're welcome."

--

-bounce-

"Oh no!" said a citizen.

-bounce bounce-

"It's coming this way!"

-bounce bounce bounce-

"It has already bounced my crops and ruined my harvests, but it's hungry for more. It's hungry for _blood_."

-bounce bounce bounce bounce-

Sonic tried to spindash the Egg Spring, only to be bounced off due to the springs.

"Darn it!" said Sonic. "I can't believe I can't beat a metal ball with some springs. This isn't doing wonders for my self-image."

Shadow came up. "I know what to do, Sonic." He shot at the Egg Spring, only to have the bullets bounce off and come back at him. He narrowly dodged them.

Rouge appeared. "I'll handle this." She lunged her chest at the Egg Spring, only to have her chest bounce off.

"My chest has never failed before," Rouge said in amazement. "Maybe I need implants."

Big appeared and searched for froggy.

Hope soon faded for our heroes.

The Egg Spring laughed, "Bounce _Bounce_ BOUNCE!"

"I don't know how much more I can last," said Sonic.

-The Egg Spring's breathing heavily increased-

"What's happening?" said Shadow, even though he lost interest and was reading a book.

The Egg Spring turned red. "Bounce! BOUNCE BOUNCE!! **BOUNCE!!!!!!!**" It exploded.

Rouge analyzed the situation. "...so it bounced itself...to death?"

-- At the White House

"And so I, the Great Eggman, will stop the Egg Spring once I am officially the ruler of America. I hope you like prison food, _former _Mr. President. Hahaha!"

The President frowned.

The CIA entered the room and whispered to the President.

The President smiled. "Eggman, it looks like your goal of increasing forest fires to scare out the animals from hiding and then capturing them to be robotized into cute, deadly, robot creatures to kill Sonic in another 2nd rate and unoriginal, 2D Sonic game will not be met today."

Eggman growled. "I suppose you'll be having me locked up now?"

The CIA approached Eggman.

"Oh no you don't," said Bob. He crashed in the room through the window.

"Bob!" said Eggman with joy. "We need to.."

-Bob shot Eggman-

"Wha...WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BOB?" Eggman screamed.

"I was working for the President all along," Bob said with an evil smile. "Say goodbye to your life, Eggy."

Eggman's vision faded, and he heard the President, Bob and the CIA laughing at him.

"This is my worst nightmare!" Eggman said in a muffled voice as he faded away.

--

"Wha?!?" Eggman woke up in a panic. "NO! I had another horrible dream."

Bob ran into the room. "It's because you turned your dream-making machine on 'annoyed,' 'awkward,' and 'discouraging' dreams instead of 'peaceful' and 'inspiring.'"

"Why would I even give it those bad features?" asked Eggman. "Who would want annoying dreams?"

"You said it was 'in case Sonic would come over for a slumber party' so you'd 'have a surefire way to make him suffer in his dreams!' since you can't ever seem to make him suffer the direct way."

Eggman was already asleep again. He mumbled in his sleep, "Oh no! Sonic's a woman, and I'm finding him/her attractive. This is a nightmare!"

A/N: The Egg Spring is credited to "the bowser monster."


	9. the Egg Egg

-- At the richest diner in town, "the Parallel Dimensia."

Eggman smiled. "Oh, Dr. Eggman Posa, ever since I met you in Sonic Rush Questy Adventure 3, my life has changed for the better."

"**YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY,****" **said Eggman Posa,** "****YOU CAN DO IT IF YOU TRY!**"

"You're so much more fun than being around that depressing Eggman Nega."

-At another table-

"I bet Eggman is talking badly about me," said Eggman Nega. "My life is so bad."

"Sweetie, don't get down," said Dr. Eggman Helga. "You should talk things out with Dr. Eggman. I'm sure there's something he likes about you."

Eggman Nega frowned. "Ever since your debut in Sonic: Venture of the Rush, I've been wondering if you're talking behind my back as well. You just want to hurt me, don't you? Everyone just wants to hurt me." Eggman Nega started to cry.

-At the last table-

"And I protect the special gems called 'the Berserker Emeralds.' Cool, huh?" said Charge the Orangutan.

"How is my parallel self an orangutan?" Sonic said with frustration.

"Or a cat," Blaze said, equally frustrated.

--

Eggman laughed manically at his table.

"Stop laughing at me!" screamed Eggman Nega, even though it wasn't verified if Eggman was laughing at him. "Why is everyone against me?!"

-Back at Sonic's table-

"And then I said, 'Say one more positive thing, and I'll kill everyone!'" laughed Osnic.

"Are you sure you're not from a perpendicular dimension?" asked Sonic.

Eggman went to the middle of the room. "Ahem, thanks to encouragement from Eggman Posa, I will now unveil my latest and greatest creation, **the Egg Egg!**"

A giant egg was summoned.

"It's an okay invention, I guess," said Dr. Eggman Realistic.

"Eggman, what are you doing here?!" Sonic screamed.

A look of annoyance appeared on Eggman's face. "Honestly, Sonic, I'm the villain, and you're the hero. Stop acting so surprised."

-The giant egg rolled towards Sonic-

Sonic moved out of the Egg Egg's path which put Blaze in the way of its destruction.

Blaze shot fire at the egg. There was no effect.

Osnic said a swear word and threatened to kill the egg. Surprisingly, the Egg Egg retreated.

"Well, whatever," said Eggman. "'Cus I have a remote control!" Eggman pulled out a remote and pushed some buttons on it.

-The Egg Egg headed towards Sonic again-

"I don't like eggs," said Sonic.

"That's not helping the situation," stated Blaze.

Shadow and his mother walked in the diner. They were having a conversation.

"Look, Silhouette," said Shadow. "I know you're my mother from a parallel dimension where I actually had a mother, but you're not the boss of me. I'll shoot whoever I want!"

"Oh yeah?!" said Silhouette. "CHAOS SPANK!"

Shadow's hiney was hit with a blast of spankings. The Egg Egg was caught in the blast.

The Egg Egg exploded, and egg yolk covered everyone.

Salmonella was had all around.


	10. the Egg Standup

"Knuckles, I don't think your anger management classes are working so well," commented Sonic. "Aren't you supposed to count to ten?"

"BUT 47 I'M 48 STILL 49 ANGRY!"

"Knuckles, you need to learn to calm down about things," said Amy.

"I saw Sonic kissing some other woman," said Shadow.

Amy went ballistic.

Shadow smirked.

Tails frowned. "Guys, this was supposed to be a peaceful party."

"There's not going to be anything peaceful about it when I'm through!" said Eggman. He helped himself to some punch.

"EGGMAN!" said the whole group.

"Hahahaha…now prepare for.."

"Who invited you?" said Tails. "I'm calling the cops."

"WAIT!! Don't do that; just give me time to KILL YOU ALL!" Eggman pulled out a pill.

"Eggman finally got medication for his problem," laughed Sonic.

"You laugh now, Sonic, but wait until you're **RPGed**!"

"Huh?"

-Eggman threw the pill on the ground. A colorful smoke engulfed the area-

--

-The smoke cleared and Eggman was gone-

"Did something happen?" asked Amy.

A blob of confusion appeared.

"I'm your biggest fan, and I'm going to add you all to my collection!" cackled the blob.

"Looks like we've got some trouble," said Sonic. "We might have to fight our way out of this one."

-Battle!-

Sonic spindashed at Fanboy/girl??. 57 damage inflicted to Fanboy/girl??.

Sonic tried to attack again but couldn't move.

"Ah, I'm stuck!" yelled Sonic.

"Don't you get anything about RPGs?" arrogantly said Fanboy/girl??. "You have to wait for your turn. What are you, a stupid noob, n00b and/or a nub?"

Tails tailwhips at Fanboy/girl??. 35 damage inflicted to Fanboy/girl??.

Knuckles throws a rock at fanboy/girl??. He missed!

Amy swings her hammer at fanboy/girl?? 78 damage inflicted to fanboy/girl??

Shadow doesn't feel like fighting right now.

Fanboy/girl?? fired the Uncanon Relationship Cannon at Tails.

Tails started to wonder why he never noticed Sonic's muscular physique before.

Sonic used Sonic Wind. 120 damage inflicted to Fanboy/girl??.

Tails drooled while thinking of Sonic without any fur. Tails is unable to fight!

Knuckles threw a punch at Fanboy/girl??. 78 damage inflicted to Fanboy/girl??.

Amy has the urge to hit Tails for some reason. Amy is confused and unable to fight!

Shadow shot a gun at fanboy/girl??. 120 damage inflicted to Fanboy/girl??.

Fanboy/girl?? throws the Out-Of-Character Chair at Knuckles.

Knuckles began to think.

Sonic tried to sidekick Fanboy/girl??. 46 damage inflicted to Fanboy/girl??.

Tails wondered if Sonic was seeing somebody. Tails is still unable to fight!

Knuckles thought about the effects of the Master Emerald on the economy. Knuckles is unable to fight!

Amy can't put her finger on it but wants to see Tails dead for some reason. Amy is still confused and still unable to fight!

Shadow tried to cut Fanboy/girl?? with a knife. 356 damage inflicted to Fanboy/girl??.

Fanboy/girl?? showed Amy its fan character. Amy has become paralyzed.

Sonic attempted to show Fanboy/girl?? the REAL superpower of teamwork. It was ineffective.

Tails imagined giving birth to Sonic's baby. Tails is still unable to fight!

Knuckles wondered if global warming would increase the resting temperature of the Master Emerald. Knuckles is still unable to fight!

Amy wished for a world without fan characters, in her mind. Amy is still paralyzed and unable to fight!

Shadow says "Damn." 450 damage inflicted to Fanboy/girl??. Fanboy/girl?? was defeated!

--

"I'm glad that thinking thing wore off," said Knuckles.

"What kind of world have we entered?" Sonic asked Tails.

"It appears we've entered a world where our Role is to Play the Game," said Tails. "We'll have to go on a variety of small and big quests to get to fight the last villain and end this."

"No," said Shadow. "We'll just go up to Eggman and destroy him."

"I've never thought of that."

-- At Eggman's base

"Sir," said Bob. "Sonic and his friends are at the door."

"Already?!" screamed Eggman. "Don't they get RPGs? I wasn't ready for them now. I wanted to take a bath first. Gah, those little pests! Deploy my newest invention, **the Grenegg!**"

"It blew up, sir."

"Whoops, then deploy my newester invention, **the Egg Stand-****up!**"

--

-Knuckles punched open the door-

"Which is reason #922 on why we make the perfect couple," Amy described to Sonic.

Sonic rolled his eyes.

-A robot with a clown nose approached them-

"It's gonna kill us!!" screamed Tails.

Everyone stared at Tails.

"Sorry, I watched the killer clown movie."

The Egg Stand-up spoke, "I'll make you all die _of laughter_!"

"That sounds fun!" said Amy.

Sonic rolled his eyes again.

-Battle!-

The Egg Stand-up threw a microphone with a cord at Tails. Tails was entangled by the microphone and unable to fight!

Sonic tried to bounce on the Egg Stand-up. He missed!

Tails is entangled by the microphone and unable to fight! Words were coming out of the microphone, "But what about airline food?" An unseen audience pelted Tails with tomatoes. 88 damage inflicted to Tails.

Knuckles tried to punch the Egg Stand-up. 95 damage inflicted to the Egg Stand-up.

The Egg Stand-up made a shout-out to the audience. The audience's volume inflicted 49 damage to Sonic, 45 damage to Tails, 72 damage to Knuckles, 38 damage to Amy and 52 damage to Shadow.

"He's getting too many turns!" Knuckles growled.

"Then let's just kill him fast," said Shadow.

Amy performed Hammer-Time. The Egg Stand-up was hit with a shower of hammers. 288 damage inflicted to the Egg Stand-up.

The Egg Stand-up threw the spotlight on Amy. Amy's retinas were burned. Amy's accuracy decreased by 10.

Shadow drove a vehicle into the Egg Stand-up. 309 damage inflicted to the Egg Stand-up.

The Egg Stand-up told a racially offensive joke. Knuckles is so mad that he can't see straight. Knuckles's accuracy decreased by 20.

Sonic is way past cool. 500 points damage inflicted to the Egg Stand-up.

The Egg Stand-up was paralyzed by Sonic's coolness. The Egg Stand-up is unable to fight!

Tails is still entangled by the microphone and unable to fight! Words were coming out of the microphone, "In Mother Russia, water drinks YOU!" An unseen audience pelted Tails with Tomatoes. 138 damage inflicted to Tails.

Knuckles focused his anger into a lawsuit. The Egg Stand-up was financially hit. The Egg Stand-up was defeated!

--

"You've been a great audience!" said the Egg Stand-up. It shut down.

"That was unentertaining," said Shadow. "I prefer clowns with knives."

Tails shivered.

Eggman came out in a gold-plated Egg Walker. "Geez, you guys are impatient. Nonetheless, I've prepared my new Egg Walker XMLKJr 4 to deal with you all."

Bob came up beside Eggman. ("Even though all you did was take the regular Egg Walker and paint it gold.")

"Eggman," spouted Tails, "why did you turn everything into a turn-based RPG?!"

"Because, I always feel like you guys never give me a chance. So why not make it so you have to give me a chance…or a _turn_."

-Battle!-

Sonic kick-slid into Bob. 89 damage inflicted to Bob.

Eggman fired a devastating cannon shot. The shot inflicted 2 damage to Sonic, 2 to Tails, 2 to Knuckles, 2 to Amy, and 2 to Shadow.

Tails swung his tails like swords and helicopter-cut Bob. 376 damage inflicted to Bob.

Knuckles uppercut Bob. 300 damage inflicted to Bob, coupled with a broken nose.

Bob assistant punched Shadow. 400 damage inflicted to Shadow.

Amy described to Bob why Sonic would make a great father. Bob was vastly annoyed. Bob's temperament rose by 10, and his accuracy decreased by 15.

Shadow used Chaos Spear on Bob. He missed!

Sonic breakdance attacked Bob. 257 damage inflicted to Bob.

Eggman is feeling neglected. Eggman is unable to fight!

Tails flew over Bob and fell on top of him. 854 damage inflicted to Bob.

"Wow, that fox is unexpectedly portly," said Bob.

Knuckles jumped and glided into Bob. 592 damage inflicted to Bob. Bob fainted and was defeated!

Amy threw her hammer at Eggman. 432 damage inflicted to Eggman.

Shadow made Eggman play 'Shadow the Hedgehog.' Infinite damage inflicted to Eggman. Eggman was defeated!

--

Eggman mumbled something like "I should have stayed in bed this morning."

Eggman spoke to the group, "…You may have beaten me here, but I still have my big, final robot, **Big Robot!**" Eggman ran to a gigantic robot and pushed its on switch.

The robot switched on and looked at Eggman.

"Now, destroy them!" Eggman pointed to Sonic & friends.

The robot spoke, "Nah, I think I'll just ignore you and go on my own personal rampage to destroy the earth. See you later." The robot departed.

Eggman turned to Sonic. "Sonic, the unexpected has happened! My supreme, final creation has betrayed me, and I'll need to team up with you to stop it in a supersonic battle."

"Yes, unexpected," said Sonic.

-Eggman has joined your party!-

--

The giant robot kicked over a building. "Destruction fills the void in my artificial heart," smiled the robot.

"Mine too," said Shadow. "Your destruction will make me feel good again."

-Battle!-

"How rude," the robot spat. "I just wanted to lead a normal life without confrontation."

Sonic tried to homing attack Big Robot. 335 damage inflicted to Big Robot.

Eggman is feeling parched. Eggman is unable to fight until he drinks a glass of water!

Tails gives Eggman a glass of water. Eggman is able to fight again!

Knuckles tries to pile-drive Big Robot. 894 damage inflicted to Big Robot.

Amy shoots a heart of pure love at Big Robot. She misses!

Shadow does nothing.

Big Robot stomps all around. The stomping inflicts 303 damage to Sonic, 325 damage to Eggman, 329 damage to Tails, 342 damage to Amy, 281 damage to Knuckles and 396 damage to Shadow.

Sonic runs all over Big Robot. 513 damage inflicted to Big Robot.

Eggman has caught a cold. Eggman is unable to fight unless he receives some Tylenol.

Tails threw a.."Ahem," Eggman interrupted. …Tails reluctantly gives Eggman some Tylenol. Eggman's cold was cured, and he is able to fight again!

Knuckles bombarded Big Robot with a barrage of punches. 784 damage inflicted to Big Robot.

Amy thought now would be a good time to touch up her hair.

Shadow did nothing.

"Shadow!" Sonic shouted. "Why aren't you doing anything?!"

"Every now and then, I like to wait for death," Shadow explained. "Okay, I'm done. Unfortunately, death never came." Shadow was disappointed.

Big Robot picked up a tree and swung it at the group. 818 damage inflicted to Sonic, 438 damage to Eggman, 713 damage to Tails, 123 damage to Knuckles, 581 to Amy and 228 damage to Shadow.

Sonic's True Blueness is blinding Big Robot. Big Robot's accuracy decreases by 20!

Eggman is feeling slightly unsanitary. There'll be no battling by him unless he gets some moist towelettes.

Knuckles growled. "Eggman, why are you so needy!"

"If you guys didn't knock out my assistant, Bob, you wouldn't have to do all this for me. It's your fault!"'

Tails shot a..."MORE TYLENOL!" screamed Eggman. "And then give me some towelettes."…Tails shoved Tylenol down Eggman's throat. Eggman gagged.

"I'm not doing anything else for you," said Tails.

"Fine, I'll do something then," Eggman said with little enthusiasm.

Knuckles was tricked by himself. Knuckles is confused and punches Amy. 156 damage inflicted to Amy.

"HOW DO YOU GET TRICKED BY YOURSELF?!" Amy screamed.

Amy spun her hammer round and round and did a hammer tornado on Big Robot. Big robot was swept off its feet, and 1473 damage was inflicted on it.

Shadow performed Chaos Control and beat Big Robot senseless. 2189 damage inflicted to Big Robot. Big Robot ceased to move.

--

"Is it dead?" asked Tails.

"No," said Dr. Eggman.

"Just like the clowns!!" screamed Tails

Eggman continued, "He's just getting ready to go into his hyper form."

Big Robot changed into a giant harmonica.

"I just never cease to amaze myself with my brilliant creations," Eggman said with pride. "Anyway, this is **Big Robot: Harmonica Version**. If we can beat this form, this whole game will be over."

"Do you know of a good way to defeat it?" asked Amy.

"An inventor never reveals his secrets!" claimed Eggman.

"That's magicians," corrected Tails.

"Just hit him with everything you've got," said Shadow.

-Battle!-

Sonic fire somersaulted into Big Robot Harmonica. 1568 damage inflicted to Big Robot Harmonica.

Eggman used his enormous IQ to determine that now would be a bad time to do the hokey pokey.

Big Robot Harmonica performed a beautiful tune that left Sonic & friends clapping for more.

Tails can't stop clapping. He is unable to fight!

Knuckles can't stop clapping. He is unable to fight!

Big Robot Harmonica shoots a beam through one of its harmonica holes. The beam hits Knuckles. 520 damage inflicted to Knuckles.

Amy can't stop clapping. She is unable to fight!

The clapping effect wore off of the party.

Shadow did the hokey pokey.

"You've doomed us all!" said Eggman.

Big Robot Harmonica's attack and defense increased by 50.

Big Robot Harmonica tried to bite Sonic. 2489 damage inflicted to Sonic.

Sonic is feeling weak. Sonic used Ancient Light. 1 damage to Big Robot.

"This isn't working!" said Sonic.

"Let's break out the team attacks," suggested Tails.

Eggman told Knuckles that Big Robot Harmonica stole the Master Emerald. Knuckles's anger rose, and his attack power went up by 34.

Tails called in the Tornado 2 and jumped into its pilot seat. Sonic jumped on top of the machine. Tails and Sonic flew high the air and vanished.

Big Robot Harmonica spun around and charged into Shadow. 5109 damage inflicted to Shadow. Shadow felt ill.

"Finally, death is coming!" said Shadow.

Knuckles threw Amy at Big Robot Harmonica. Amy collided, hammer first, into Big Robot Harmonica. 4876 damage inflicted to Big Robot Harmonica.

Amy gave the gift of compassion to Shadow. Shadow's HP recovered by 7000.

Shadow moaned. "Fine, I guess I'll keep living. -sigh-"

Sonic and Tails came down from the sky in the Tornado 2 and crashed into Big Robot Harmonica. 7890 damage inflicted to Big Robot Harmonica, 5105 damage inflicted to Sonic, and 4129 damage inflicted to Tails.

Big Robot Harmonica played a depressing tune. Sonic is unaffected. Tails realizes that he'll never get a sidekick of his own. Tails sinks into depression and is unable to fight! Eggman wonders if it's going to rain, because he didn't bring his umbrella. Eggman sinks into depression and is unable to fight! Knuckles wonders why Shadow gets a crappy spin-off game, but he doesn't. Knuckles sinks into depression and is unable to fight! Amy is unaffected. Shadow realizes the pain of his torment. Shadow sinks into depression and…is super charged? Shadow's attack and defense increased by 4000!

Sweat was forming on Big Robot Harmonica.

"That was a bad move, harmonica," said Shadow. "I feed off of depression."

Shadow uses Chaos Blast. 50,000 damage is inflicted on everyone in the surrounding area. Big Robot Harmonica was defeated, along with the rest of the party!

--

Sonic was toasted and struggling to move on the ground. "Sh-Shadow. Couldn't you have used that attack a little closer to the enemy!"

"I regret nothing," said Shadow.

Amy used Ultimate Heal on the party. Everyone recovered by 7000 HP.

"Is this game over yet?" asked Knuckles.

"About that…" squeaked Eggman. "I don't really know how to get us out of RPG mode." Eggman laughed nervously.

"WHAT!?" screamed Sonic.

"Oh, Sonic!" said Amy. She rushed over to hug him.

"Oh no you don't!" said Sonic.

-Battle!-

Amy tries to hug Sonic. 256 lovey dovey points inflicted to Sonic.

Sonic files a restraining order against Amy. Amy faints and is defeated! Sonic rejoices!

--

"I don't want to have to keep battling every time someone approaches me!" said Sonic. "Eggman?"

Eggman had already fled.

Eggman walked back into his base. He saw Bob getting up from the floor. "Bob, you've regained consciousness! Wait until I tell you about what happened."

-Battle!-

Bob asked Eggman how everything went. 124 questioning points inflicted to Eggman.

Eggman told him the story. 325 getting talked to points inflicted to Bob.


	11. the Egg Genesis

"Yar!…" growled Eggman. "I can never get past this level!"

He was playing Sonic Adventure 2.

"No, don't do that!" Bob commented.

"Shadow can make the jump!" said Eggman.

...But Shadow didn't make the jump.

"If you weren't trying to find shortcuts, you wouldn't have died," said Bob.

"If only I could control Sonic," said Eggman. "Then I would recklessly control him and bring him to his bottomless doom."

"I'm not sure if we have bottomless pits in real life though..." said Bob. "You probably could make him fall into the Grand Canyon though. That'd kill him."

"No! I want him to die in a bottomless pit!"

"Anywho, I think the pizza should be here any minute."

-Knock Knock-

"I'll get it," said Bob. He opened up the door to find a blue surprise.

"Speedy Pizza Delivery," said Sonic, who was holding a pizza box. "Your total is.."

"Eggman!!" yelled Bob. "Sonic is at the door with our pizza."

Eggman threw down his controller and ran to the door.

"Sonic, this just seems ill-fitting for a hero such as yourself." Eggman smiled in amusement.

"At least I have a real job," said Sonic.

"Taking over the world is a real job!" shouted Eggman.

"It's just you receive no source of income from your _profession_."

"Grr!!"

Bob nudged Eggman. "_Control_, remember?"

"Oh, right." Eggman forced a smile. "Sonic, would you like come in for some tea?"

"Sure, if I was stupid," said Sonic.

"Er...um..." said Eggman. "AMY ROSE IS APPROACHING!!"

Sonic panicked, turned around, and held up his restraining order.

-Bob tasered Sonic in the crouch-

--

Sonic awoke in the middle of the floor of Eggman's base, lying on his back. He heard familiar voices talking.

"And so I was diagnosed with high-cholesterol," said Eggman. "Can you believe that!?"

"You know that old saying," said Bob. "'An egg for each meal, stop eating so many eggs!'"

"That's not even a catchy saying, and if it's not catchy, why should I listen to it?"

-Sonic blinked-

"Sonic's awake, sir."

"Quick," said Eggman, "start laughing manically arrogant!"

"Hahaha," Eggman laughed and looked at Sonic. "You are under my control, Sonic!"

Sonic struggled to move but could not move his body. "Didn't you try this scenario in the Archie comics?" said Sonic.

"_Didn't you try this scenario in the Archie comics?_" Eggman mocked. "I'm going to use you to destroy your friends!"

"Archie! Archie!" said Sonic.

Eggman gritted his teeth. "THEN, I'm going to make you jump to your doom in the Grand Canyon! That wasn't in the Archie comics, now was it?"

"Is this whole thing out of envy because I have a job and you don't?"

"I keep telling you, taking over the world is a real job! I even have an assistant," Eggman pointed to Bob.

"I get free room and board here," said Bob. "Financially speaking, who wouldn't want to be an assistant under such a bargain?"

"See," said Eggman. "My employee sees this at a professional standpoint, why can't you?"

Sonic yawned and started falling asleep.

"Hey, I didn't order your body to get sleepy!" shouted Eggman.

"Then stop boring me to death," snorted Sonic.

"Fine, Sonic, I introduce you to my latest invention, **the Egg Genesis**!" Eggman waved around a game controller.

"That's just a Sega Genesis controller," said Sonic.

"The point is, I can control you with it, and it's wireless!" laughed Eggman. He pushed the control pad up and Sonic rose.

"What?" said Sonic, wondering what just happened.

"You see, Sonic, I've implanted a game console in your head. Now I can control you just like a video game character!"

Eggman pushed the control pad hard to the right which in turn made Sonic suddenly run to the right…right into a closed door. -Thunk-

"Ugh," said Sonic.

Eggman pushed the control pad slowly to the left and quickly pushed the control pad right again. Another thunk was heard as Sonic once again collided with the closed door.

"Ugh times 2," said Sonic.

"Lard butt," said Eggman. Eggman repeated the control pad procedure again. -Thunk-

"Ugh times 3," said Sonic.

"Egg brain," said Eggman. Repeat of procedure. -Thunk-

"Ugh times 4," said Sonic. Sonic laughed for some reason.

"Uglysauras," said Eggman, who now was more furious for some reason.

"What's with the names?" asked Bob.

Sonic laughed. "Those are all names I've called Scrambled Eggs over there. He's venting his frustration. Ha ha -Thunk- Ow."

"Scrambled Eggs," said Eggman. -Thunk-

3 Hours Later.

"Belly of the beast," said Eggman. -Thunk-

"Uh tims tee hudred fur," said Sonic, who now lacked teeth.

"Eggman," said Bob, "shouldn't you be getting back to the original plan? You can't have Sonic destroy his friends and run off a cliff if he's dead."

"Maybe you're right, Bob," said Eggman. "I'll just get some last ones in. Oh, and go get my camera." -Thunk- -Thunk- -Thunk-

--

"Knuckles!" screamed Tails. "Sonic was kidnapped by Eggman!"

"Tails!" screamed Knuckles. "What does that have to do with the Master Emerald!"

--

Eggman waved. "Off you go into the world, Sonic." Eggman pushed the control stick right and Sonic forcibly ran right, right out of the now opened door.

"I've put a monitoring and communication device on Sonic," said Bob. "We can see everything he sees and even communicate with him via a speaker embedded on his fur."

"Excellent!" said Eggman. "Now let's.."

Bob started to chuckle.

"What is it?" said Eggman.

"It's nothing," said Bob. "Hehehe!"

"What is so funny!"

"It's just some of those names… Sir Fattington of Eggs-a-lot. Hahaha!!"

"It's really not funny. What if I called you 'Tob,' huh? That wouldn't be funny, would it.."

"Hahaha!" Bob continued to laugh.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!"

--

"Hi, Shadow," said Sonic. "Eggman is controlling me now, so you might be attacked by me."

"No fraternizing with the enemy!" Eggman yelled through the communication device.

Shadow loaded his gun. "Do you want me to put you out of your misery, Sonic?"

"Nah," said Sonic. "It's not like Eggman is competent enough to actually kill me."

"Hey!" said Eggman.

"Let me rephrase what I just said," said Shadow. "I'm going to kill you to put you out of my misery."

"What!" said Sonic. "How am I making you miserable?"

"Where's Shadow the Hedgehog _2_?" shouted Shadow. "Who knows if it will ever come out, because you keep hogging the spotlight!"

Shadow shot at Sonic. Sonic jumped.

--

"It looks like the A button makes Sonic jump," said Eggman, while fiddling with the Egg Genesis. "Let's see what happens when I push the B button…"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!" yelled an enraged Omochao.

"Er...I'm just trying to figure out the controls through experimentation," responded Eggman.

"So, you think you can do this without me, huh? IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK!?" Omochao started foaming at the mouth.

"Heavens no," said Eggman. "I really need you here to help me learn the commands of a 3-button controller." Eggman secretly signaled for Bob to call the police.

--

"Just a jump?" said Shadow. "Not even a homing attack? Your moves are getting stale, Sonic." Shadow pointed his gun to Sonic's forehead.

Sonic again struggled to move but could not. "Wait! If you kill me, who will save the innocent people of the world? Children will die at the hands of evil!"

Shadow's mouth was watering. "Thanks for the nice imagery. Your moment of death will be so much more satisfying now that I know what will follow." Shadow pushed the trigger. Sonic unexpectedly jumped again.

"No, Shadow, _you're_ going to die," Eggman said through the communication device. "Then Sonic will jump off the Grand Canyon."

Eggman pushed B and the control pad right on the genesis controller in an effort to attack Shadow. Sonic jumped towards Shadow. Shadow simply stepped 45 degrees to the side.

"Gah!" said Eggman. He pushed C on the controller and the control pad left. Sonic jumped to the left but came nowhere close to hitting Shadow, since Shadow had moved 45 degrees to the side which was not attainable by moving left or right in Sonic's current position.

Eggman pushed the control pad up and Sonic looked up. Eggman pushed the control pad down and Sonic crouched down.

"What's wrong with you!" screamed Eggman. "Can't you move anywhere other than the 2D plane?! And where's your homing attack? And that tornado thing you can do! Are you broken?"

"I didn't learn any of those moves until after my Genesis years," said Sonic. "Maybe you should have based your _invention_ off a more up-to-date controller like the Dreamcast controller." Sonic rolled his eyes.

Eggman grumbled. "There's no way you can beat Shadow or any of the rest of your cuddly associates in this condition. I'll just advance to the Grand Canyon segment of the plan." Eggman held the control pad right and Sonic started moving to the right.

-shoot- A bullet almost hit Sonic's foot. Eggman let go of the control pad.

"Like I'd just let you guys leave," said Shadow. "I'm killing Sonic now."

"No!" said Eggman. "Sonic is going to die at the depths of the Grand Canyon!"

"Does it really matter?" said Bob. "Just let Sonic get killed by Shadow, and we can get on to taking over the world."

"But the principle of it all," said Eggman. "Think of how much more satisfying it will be when Sonic dives into the Grand Canyon, then the Game Over screen comes up. Sonic will have the most embarrassing death in history!"

"Get real!" said Bob. "This is a real, fictional world, not a fictional, fictional game. That kind of stuff like game overs doesn't happen when _we_ die. Only in Sonic _games_."

"You're right," said Eggman. "He deserves to die in an _Ultra _Canyon! Get the growth ray ready. We're going to size up the Grand Canyon!"

"I just.." Bob was confused but remembered this was a common feeling while working under Eggman. Bob went to retrieve the growth ray.

--

"Cough," said Shadow. "Okay, I'm going to do some killing now." Shadow had a knife and was approaching Sonic.

Eggman quickly moved Sonic to the left. Unfortunately, Shadow also had the power to go to the left, so Shadow moved left closer to Sonic.

Eggman was hungry, so he left the controller to go get some snacks. This left Sonic defenseless.

"Good," said Shadow, looking at Sonic's motionless body. "I think I'll go in for the kill now."

Shadow swung the knife…but Shadow's hand was grabbed by Tails!

Tails was severely cut. Never grab a stabby person's hand.

"I came to save you, Sonic," Tails said, sucking his hand.

"-munch- -munch- -chew- Testing 1, 2, 3!" said Eggman. "Sonic, I've decided to just forget about all of this 'kill your friends' trouble and just lead you to the Grand Canyon, which I have just enlarged to increase your shameful fall."

Eggman pushed the control pad to the left and Sonic ran left. Shadow tried to chase after Sonic but tripped over Tails.

"Yay, I did something useful!" said Tails.

--

Sonic traveled left for one hour and finally reached…Shadow?

"Curse Sonic's two-dimensional movements," muttered Eggman.

"It looks like we'll have to move Sonic on a 2D plane aligned with the Grand Canyon," said Bob.

--

"Well, Tails," said Shadow. "The mindless killing started when I was little. I don't know what could have caused it…"

"Could I have one of my tails back?" asked Tails.

"This is a horrible sight," said Sonic.

-Bob arrived and lifted up Sonic to put him into the back of a rusty, old van-

"I don't like where this is going…" said Sonic.

"I'm just going to move you so your directional movements are align with the Grand Canyon," said Bob.

"Just keep your hands where I can see them," replied Sonic.

--

"Okay, sir," said Bob. "Sonic is in alignment with the Grand Canyon. Just direct him to it anytime now."

"Finally!" said Eggman. Eggman pushed the control pad to the right.

--

Sonic was 10 feet away from the Grand Canyon.

"I've lived a good life," said Sonic. "My only regret is that I've never gotten to tell Amy that I hate her."

-Sonic slowly walked to the edge of the pit-

"This is it!" screamed Eggman, holding the control pad right as hard as possible. Sonic charged forward.

Sonic abruptly ceased to move then turned back.

"WHAT!?" said Eggman.

"I think the battery in your wireless controller ran out," said Bob.

"...Whatever," said Eggman. "Let's go play Mario Tennis."

-Knock Knock-

"Someone's at the door," said Bob.

"What are you waiting for?!" screamed Eggman. "Go open the door!"

"But chances are it's Sonic...out for revenge."

"We just won't open the door for a week or two. Problem solved."

A/N: The credit for the Egg Genesis and this plot goes to "Thursday 12th."


	12. Shorty: Hi, Bob

"Hello, Sonic," said Eggman with a smile.

Sonic rolled his eyes and kept walking by.

-- Later

"He's a crafty one," growled Eggman.

"Again with the acknowledged greetings as a form of winning?" shouted Bob. "Hi, Eggman."

"Hi, Bob."

Bob smirked. "Does that mean _I_ win now?"

"I don't get what you mean."

"-sigh-"


	13. the Naturous Egg

"Bah!" screamed Eggman, holding a tube filled with liquid. "I've accidentally created a cure for every disease known to man...for the third time!" -toss-

Eggman walked over to Bob. "Bob, I've been a little off this week."

"How so?" asked Bob.

"I was trying to build a death ray but ended up creating a successful plan for helping the poor."

"Really?"

"Then later I was trying to discover a new animal to enslave and turn into a robot, but instead discovered a renewable fossil fuel source...I'm such a failure."

"Maybe you need a trip to get you back on track," said Bob. He opened a newspaper and handed it to Eggman.

Eggman took it and read. "Let's see..here it says 'Got problems? You need prescription medication!'"

"No," said Bob, "look under that ad."

Eggman reexamined the newspaper. "Oh, I see...'Got problems? Surely you need a vacation, because we'll get paid for it. Wash your money/troubles away in the wonderful vacationing spot of Lost Forest of Eternity!'"

"The idea of a vacation is good. Let's try to go somewhere different than a 'Lost Forest' though."

"Let's go to the Lost Forest!"

"No."

--

-Log 1-

Dear Diaregg,

It's been 10 days since Bob and me got lost in the Lost Forest of Eternity. I'm running out of spare meatloaf (which I always keep on my person in case of situations like this).

I can't help wondering where the tour guides are for this place.

-Log 35-

Dear Diaregg,

I'm out of meatloaf. Now I feed off my hatred of Sonic. Bob is surely done for, since he doesn't hate Sonic with the amount of passion as I do.

-Log 71-

Dear Diaregg,

I've run of out hatred for Sonic. Now how will I survive? Ergh! If only Bob would just die already!

-The present-

Eggman and Bob were trudging through the endless forest. Bob was leading.

"Bob," said Eggman with a fork in his hand, "isn't it about time you kick the bucket? I'm terribly hungry..."

Bob increased his walking pace.

Eggman clenched his fork tighter.

Upon walking, the duo ran into a patch of trees that had TV Dinners hanging from them.

Bob squealed in joy. "We're saved! We're saved!"

"Bob," Eggman asked, "would you taste better with ranch or italian dressing?"

"There's food right in front of us! Why would you STILL want to eat me!"

"I've had my tummy set on you since we got in this jungle. It would only be proper to..."

"I will not let you eat me."

"Be that way then. See if I ever let you eat me. Hmph."

Bob rolled his eyes. -slip- Bob fell down a steep cliff with nothing but a deep fog below. "Noooooooo!"

Eggman peered over and watched him fall. "All according to plan..." Eggman smiled. "Wait, I didn't have a plan... Boooooobbb!!"

Bob continued to fall into the abyss.

--

"It seems hedgehogs are at risk for cardiovascular disease," said Sonic while surfing the internet. "I better lay off the chilidogs."

("I'm surprised you have the mental capacity to browse the internet,") thought Tails. "You're my hero, Sonic!"

"Thanks, buddy."

"Chilidogs for sale!" yelled a man at a chilidog stand. "Try our new low-fat, organic, and healthy chilidogs."

"Oh boy!" said Sonic. He ran to get a chilidog, but as soon as he approached the chilidog stand, he was caught in a net.

"Hahaha," laughed the chilidog man. "I'm not really a chilidog man, I'm a humanitarian!"

"Oh no!" cried Tails. He fled.

"Thanks, buddy," Sonic said sarcastically to the fleeing Tails.

--

"Ugh..." moaned Bob, waking up with a big lump on his head. Bob looked around and saw no Eggman in sight. "YES! I mean, oh no! I'm lost!"

-Boom Klunk Boom- The ground was shaking and the noise was getting louder.

"Wah! What's happening?" cried Bob.

A shadowy figure appeared. "Hello there," it said.

Upon closer inspection, Bob realized the shadowy figure was actually a purple rhino standing on its hind legs.

The creature spoke, "My name is Sounottulg the Rhino, and you should come back to my village for some htead snacks."

"Htead?" said Bob.

"Yes," said Sounottulg, "they're my village's specialty. Come and eat."

"I lost an egg-shaped man a while back. Have you seen him?"

"Egg-shaped man you say?" The sky turned black, and Sounttulg's eyes turned completely white. "NO! NOT AT ALL! HAHAHAHA!"

("Well,") thought Bob, ("it's not hard to see that this guy is going to be the villain I'll need to defeat to save Eggman. I'll spend the rest of my thinking time trying to figure out ways to K.O. an anthropomorphic rhino.")

--

-kick- "You're welcome!" smiled the humanitarian from the helicopter. "Now leave the human cities to the humans!"

Sonic fell to the ground and hit face first. Sonic rose to watch the humanitarian flying away. "Stupid humanitarians and their 'Get Back to the Wild' animal movements." Sonic looked around. "Now where am I?"

Upon looking around, Sonic realized he fell in the middle of a primative village shrouded by trees. There were huts that were covered in bite marks.

A villager slowly exited one of the huts and came towards Sonic. "Did you know mononucleosis threatens the space-time continuum? Which is bad for death ray production."

Another villager came out. "If the size of pie is equal to the ratio, there's none left to destroy."

"These villagers..." said Sonic, "are nerdy..."

"That's because I educated them on the ways of evil science," said Eggman.

Sonic breathed heavily and nodded. "May I ask why you are here, Eggman?"

"I'll answer if you can defeat my latest invention, **the Naturous Egg**!"

A lush green bush appeared in front of Sonic. Big bulging eyes were peering out from it.

Eggman smiled _notoriously_. "Can't you see the end is near, Sonic?"

Sonic was filing his nails.

Eggman growled. "Naturous Egg, show Sonic your ultimate attack!"

The Naturous Egg ran into Sonic. All of Sonic's blue fur instantly turned into green grass.

"Bet you wish you payed attention now," Eggman said triumphantly.

Sonic gazed at himself. "I'm supposed to be blue," Sonic stated.

"Well you're not now," said Eggman. Eggman turned to the villagers. "And that is how you defeat a hedgehog."

The villagers clapped.

"You're amazing, Dr. Eggman," said a villager.

Sonic looked over. "...But I'm not defeated, I'm green."

"I'll spare your life this time, Sonic, but next time I won't be so generous!"

Sonic decided it would be better to just find a way out of the forest rather than listen to a pathetic egg. Sonic ran off.

"World domination will be ours!" Eggman smiled.

"Just remember the deal," said an old man in a grass skirt walking up to Eggman. "You must defeat the purple creature that is destroying our village before we agree to help you conquer the world."

"Oh yes..." said Eggman, pondering the past.

-Flashback-

Somewhere in the forest.

"I'm searching for an assistant-looking man," said Eggman. "Have you seen him?"

"No," said Sounottulg, "but I call dibs if I find him first." Sounottulg rubbed his stomach.

"He's MY meal!" screamed Eggman.

"Not if I eat him first!"

-End flashback-

"and afterward, I found this place," Eggman recalled. "I'll defeat that rhino and come back here to claim my evil servants."

The old man smiled deviously. "Yes."

"You better not be planning something," Eggman snorted.

"Definitely not."

"Good." Eggman set off.

("Foolish man of egg,") thought the old man. ("He doesn't know we're in cahoots with the rhino to sell real estate. By the end of this day, everyone will have a house and part-time summer cottage...or else!")

--

Bob was being sucked closer to Sounottulg, who was now holding various papers and a pen.

"Sign and accept your new condominium!" roared Sounottulg.

"I don't want a condominium!" said Bob, struggling to escape Sounottulg's mouth suction.

Sonic ran up.

"Ew," said Bob. "You turned yourself into a fan character, Sonic?"

"The grass fur was Eggman's doing," said Sonic.

"Okay. ...Won't you help me escape the pain of real estate?"

"Why should I?" Sonic must not be feeling heroic today.

"Because once this rhino gets me to sign its papers, I'll legally own a condominium...and my bank account is linked to Dr. Eggman's, and his bank account is linked to yours."

"What?!" Sonic coughed, now realizing why his credit card was denied at Wal-mart.

Eggman walked towards Bob. "Get out of my way, Sonic. I've got a rhino to defeat so I can take over the world. ...Why are you green?"

"_YOU_ DID THIS TO ME!...AND YOU TOOK MY MONEY!" Sonic shouted.

"Right, I remember. Your money went to good use. I bought the biggest collection of eggs known to mankind! You can come over my house and see them sometime if you'd like."

"Hey!" Bob screamed, getting closer to Sounottulg and his papers.

"We've got to save him!" said Sonic. "Or my credit will never be the same."

"Oh yeah?" said Sounottulg. He stopped inhaling. "I'll defeat you all with my rhino powers. RHINO CHARGE!"

Sounottulg charged at Sonic and was quickly avoided.

Eggman pulled out an egg and threw it into Sounottulg's face. Sounottulg was blinded and stopped moving.

"Now for my finishing move," said Bob. "JUNGLE FEVER!" Bob did an exotic dance that summoned the animals of the Lost Forest of Eternity. Birds, lions, tigers, whos, boos, and halibanews came and attacked Sounottulg. They were all eaten by him though.

Sounottulg burped. "Got anymore?"

"Poor animals," said Bob.

"Poor potential robots to kill Sonic," said Eggman.

"Now," said Sounottulg, wiping the egg from his face, "say hello to your new condominium!" He charged again faster than before.

"NO!" said Bob, trying to escape.

It started to rain. Sounottulg panicked and a buzzing sound was heard.

The rain also caused flowers to grow on Sonic.

Smoke emitted from Sounottulg.

"Are rhinos supposed to do that?" asked Sonic.

"Yes," said Eggman.

"No," said Bob.

"Bob, who's the scientist who invents super weapons from ordinary kitchen utensils?"

"You do, but you're still wrong. Rhino's don't do..."

Sounottulg blew up.

"that," finished Bob.

All the animals who were previously eaten ran from the blast.

"Hooray!" yelled Eggman.

"NOOOO!!" said the old man, coming out of a bush with the other villagers. "You killed our rhino robot!"

"Yours?" said Eggman. "You were working with the rhino all along?!"

"Yes!" said the old man. "It was all to force visitors of this forest into funding our village. If you would have looked inside one of our huts, you would have saw the wads of cash harbored."

"You may have tricked me, but I have a secret plan of my own." Eggman called for the Naturous Egg. The Naturous Egg fell from the sky. "Now, my creation, run into everyone!"

The Naturous Egg tackled everyone in the area, except Eggman, and thus, everyone's skin turned into green grass.

"WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT!?" screamed Green Bob.

"With everyone sporting grass on their body, they will need a gardener to groom themselves. I will invent **the Egg Gardener** and cash in with a 500 dollars per person fee. I can finally make a profit!"

"You know," said Bob, looking over the real estate papers Sounottulg had, "this condominium doesn't look too shabby. I'm going to sign for it." Bob signed the paper, then the old man quickly took it.

"Thank you for helping our village," said the old man while getting out wine glasses for the village's victory party.

Eggman looked at Sonic. "Want to move in with me and Bob? The condo is partially in your name anyway."

"Hmm..." Sonic wondered.

--

"Eggman, Sonic!" Bob yelled from the kitchen. "Breakfast is ready."

Sonic and Eggman dashed to the kitchen table. "FOOD!"

Bob walked over with two plates. "Now, the Eggs Benedict with extra shells for Eggman..." Bob said while putting the plate of food in front of Eggman.

"Oh Boy!" said Eggman, digging in and chewing with various crunches coming from his mouth.

"And the French Toast with extra poison for Sonic," Bob said while placing a plate of food in front of Sonic.

"I'm moving out," said Sonic.

"Why?!" said Eggman. "I thought we were having such fun."

"Last night, you replaced my contact solution with bleach."

"I wanted to make sure your contacts were thoroughly clean, Sonic. Stop being so paranoid. ...You gonna eat that French Toast?"

"No," Sonic said with a blank look. He slid the toast over to Eggman.

Eggman dug in.

Bob moaned. "I'll call the ambulance..."


	14. the Egg Finger

"Is this the end?" said an injured Sonic, hanging by one hand on the edge of a steep cliff.

"It appears so," laughed Eggman at the top of the cliff. Eggman peered over the edge with a devious smile. "You thought you could defeat **the Egg Break Sonic's Limbs**, but you couldn't. Ha!"

"But I did," said Sonic. "After I defeated it, Amy savagely beat and hammered me into the air for forgetting our wedding anniversary. And that's how I ended up falling onto this cliff."

"You two are married?"

"No...the girl needs help."

"Either way, I'll destroy you with my latest and greatest invention, **the Egg Finger**!" Eggman held out his index finger and poked at Sonic's hand. "Die!" -Poke- "Die!" -Poke-

"This is barely an invention," said Sonic.

"Silence! It's time for the Egg Finger's finishing move: _Hand Swoop_!"

Eggman swiped at Sonic's hand but missed. This caused Eggman to lose his balance and fall on his back.

"Interesting," said Sonic.

Eggman squirmed around on his back. "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

"Great going, Humpty."

"Shut up, Sonic! When I get up from here, your demise will feed my appetite!"

-2 Days Later-

"I'm hungry," said Eggman, still struggling to get off his back.

"My hand is tired," said Sonic, still hanging on the cliff by one hand.

"This is all your fault, Sonic!"

"You were the one trying to exterminate _me_!"

"Exactly, die!"

"Let's quit talking for a while, okay?"

-3 Hours later-

"So..." said Eggman, "have you any weaknesses I should know about? My weakness is your death. So, if you ever want to slay me, slay yourself first."

"What a coincidence," Sonic said in an apathetic tone, "my weakness is actually _your_ death. So, if you ever want to slay me, you just could slay yourself first."

"Fine, Sonic. If you want to be a smart-alec and not give me your real weakness, it's time to unveil my other invention, **the Egg sit me up**!"

A robot came that had long arms and pincer-like hands. "Yes, doctor?"

"Sit me up!" cried Eggman.

The Egg sit me up complied and lifted Eggman to his feet. "Anything else, master?"

Eggman dusted himself off. "No. Actually, there's no more purpose for you after this moment."

"What?" questioned the Egg sit me up.

"In fact, after I get home, I'll start my plans to dismantle you so your parts can go to a greater and later invention. Any who..." Eggman turned to Sonic and planned to finish what he started earlier.

-Push- Eggman was lying on his belly, struggling to get up.

"What's the meaning of this?!" shouted Eggman, wailing around on his stomach.

The Egg sit me up ran away.

"Looks like your invention doesn't like being dismantled," said Sonic.

4 Hours later.

"So, Sonic," said Eggman. "What'd you eat for dinner last night?"

"Various insects and grass," replied Sonic. "How about you?"

"Boiled carrots."

Sonic grinned while thinking of the size of Eggman's stomach. "Boiled in what?"

"Butter."

"I was joking, but I guess I should have known."

"I'm through with this! Time for you to meet **the Egg Send Help**!"

Sonic looked around and saw nothing coming.

"Help! Help!" Eggman called.

"Is there a robot attached to this or is it only you saying 'help'?"

"Just me saying 'help.' Help! Someone help!" Eggman continued to call.

"I should point out that you can't just attach 'egg' to regular sayings and objects to glorify yourself. Like your 'Egg Finger.'"

"How about you take on **the Egg Shut up**?! Shut up, Sonic!"

Rouge was flying above with various emeralds in her hand. She abruptly crashed to the ground.

"What happened?" asked Sonic.

Rouge lay wounded on the ground right behind Eggman. "I hit turbulence," Rouge explained.

Seven emeralds fell within arm's reach of Eggman. "What's this? The Chaos Emeralds?"

"Don't touch them!" yelled Rouge, too injured to move. "They're mine! I was planning on buying jewels with those emeralds!"

"Hey," said Sonic. "Eggman, move those emeralds closer to the edge of the cliff so I can focus on them. I'll turn into Super Sonic and have enough energy to save all of us."

"No," Eggman said with a wicked smile. "For years I've seen you colorfully transform into that being that destroys my final and most-likely gigantic robot. No more!" Eggman started to focus, and the Chaos Emeralds began to glow.

"Don't tell me he's going to..."

-Flash-

Eggman's mustache glowed gold and pointed upwards. Truly, Eggman was super-powered. "With these seven Chaos Emeralds, I am **Eggcellent Egg**!"

"You're still fat," said Rouge.

Eggman struggled to move. "Once I get up from here, both of you will meet your untimely ends!" Still on his stomach, Eggman attempted to lift himself up.

"Super Loser," said Sonic.

Eggman's super form wore off, and the Chaos Emeralds again were scattered across the Earth or wherever they go after the end of a Sonic game.

"All that hard work down the drain," Rouge groaned.

Eggman couldn't lift himself up and again lie on his stomach. "So, Rouge, what did you eat for dinner last night?"

"Jewels, covered in a gem glaze. It was fabulous."

"Eggman!" yelled Bob, running toward him from the far distance. "I've come to help you!"

"Finally!" said Eggman. "Now, I can confidently say, the end is near for you two!"

Upon approaching Eggman at his full speed, Bob tripped on a rock, fell, then lay injured beside Eggman.

"Well this is just great," said Rouge, frowning.

"I've broken something," said Bob. "Sorry."

"So, Bob," said Eggman, "what did you have for dinner?"

"What does that have to do with this situation? ...Anyway, I didn't get dinner. You decided to quickly devour the dinner I made for the two of us."

"It was delicious."

"Thanks?"

"...We're getting nowhere," said Sonic. "Is there anyone else we can call for help?"

"I'll phone Shadow," said Rouge, pulling out a walkie-talkie.

"No!" screamed Sonic. "The last time Shadow was near, you remember..."

"He tried to eat some human kids, big deal. There are none around now so everything's fine." Rouge continued to phone Shadow. "Okay, he's on his way to kill."

"Don't you mean help?"

"Unfortunately, that's not what he said..."

Sonic thought of letting go of the cliff.

Soon, an increasing high-speed noise echoed throughout the area. Shadow was seen coming from the distance.

"Yay!" said Rouge.

Shadow got up to Rouge's point then fell. "I've been having cholesterol problems."

"Are you serious?!" said Sonic, frustrated at all the past events.

"So, Shadow," said Eggman, "what did you eat for dinner last night?"

"The blood of..."

"I don't feel like talking about dinner anymore," Eggman interjected.

"Shadow, shut up," said Sonic. "I don't even know why our group includes you in it anymore. You've been getting progressively more crazed with each appearance."

Shadow snorted. "As if you're a good judge of character when you so commonly hang around a man with a passion for eggs."

"I don't choose to be with him! He just always tries to annihilate me because he has nothing left to do in his unfulfilling life."

"I suppose you're talking about me?" said Eggman.

"Who else but the egg of broken dreams."

"You listen here, Sonic!...I..."

Sonic decided not to listen.

"You're not listening!" shouted Eggman with fire in his eyes.

"Annihilate?" said Shadow. "That reminds me. I have a walkie-talkie to Omega."

"Shouldn't you guys have a more advanced form of communication?" asked Bob. "Like a _phone_, perhaps?"

Rouge chimed in, "I spend our team's finances on jewels and jewel-related objects. We can't afford high-tech equipment with the money left over."

"Don't you see that as a problem in times like this?"

"I'm emotionally satisfied." Rouge pulled out a jewel and embraced it.

"I've talkied Omega," said Shadow. "Omega will be here in less than a minute."

A robotic voice was heard from the distance. "Annihilate! Kill! Destroy! Save! Annihilate! Kill! Destroy! Save!"

"We're saved!" yelled Eggman.

"Sounds mostly like we're doomed," said Sonic.

"That works for me," said Shadow.

"Die, Shadow."

"That too would be enjoyable."

"...I think you're a good person."

"WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU!"

Sonic chuckled to himself.

Omega stopped in front of the group. "I am here to assist everyone but Dr. Eggman."

"Darn," said Eggman.

"First, I will...battery...draining...failed to recharge this morning..." Omega collapsed.

"What do you suppose Omega eats?" asked Eggman.

"Stop talking about food!" shouted Sonic. "You fat, fat man!"

Eggman started to cry. "I understand I have a weight problem, but I'm too busy trying to bring about your destruction to have time to exercise. -sob-"

"Look at what you've done!" said Bob. "Sonic, apologize, now!"

"Fine," said Sonic. "Eggman, I'm sorry you've eaten so much that your body had to mold itself into an egg to handle your food intake."

"Sonic!" Bob yelled again.

"...Eggman...I'm sorry..."

"Really, Sonic?" said Eggman, crying a little lighter.

"Hey, wait a second! Why should I be apologizing to someone who tries to harm me on a daily basis!?"

"It's just the right thing to do," said Bob. "Two wrongs don't make a right and whatnot."

"What kind of evil assistant are you?" said Eggman.

"Back-up battery initiated," said Omega, now turning back on. "My back-up battery gives me the power to speak, but I will not be able to move until I am fully recharged."

"Well that's just great again!" screamed Rouge in obvious sarcasm.

"Wait," said Bob. "Sonic, don't you have any way of contacting Tails or Knuckles?"

Sonic explained, "Tails is in Hawaii teaching underprivileged children the proper way to debate."

--

"I like ham sandwiches," said Guam.

"No, that's not debatable," said Tails.

"But," said Hom, "Guam threw away half of his ham sandwich at lunch today. I motion that he is a liar!"

"Yeah, burn him!" said the whole class.

"There's no _debate_ in burning him!" said Tails.

"Well," said Hom, "it looks like we're going to have Guam _and_ fox meat for dinner tonight."

The class got their spears ready.

--

"So he's probably very busy over there," Sonic continued. "And Knuckles rarely cares about my well-being if it has nothing to do with the Master Emerald."

"Actually, I stole the Master Emerald this morning," said Rouge. "It's in my pocket, next to my grenades. Oh, that reminds me, I killed another guy earlier on a heist."

"Do tell," said Shadow.

"Did you remember to go for the membrane first like I told you?" asked Omega.

"It all started out as..." started Rouge.

("Is that why they're friends?") thought Sonic.

A vortex opened up and dropped two characters face-first onto the cliff side.

"Where are we, Silver?"

"I dunno. I guess I don't have this time-traveling thing down pat."

"Blaze?" said Sonic.

"Sonic, where are you?" asked Blaze, looking around.

"Hanging on the side of the cliff. Could you help me up?"

"Sure," said Blaze.

"I'll do it!" said Silver. He started to focus his telekinesis on Sonic.

"What's with your hands?" asked Shadow, noticing the blue circles on Silver's hands.

"And the hair?" laughed Rouge.

"Plus the character design," said Omega.

Silver got defensive. "I'm actually very creative and handsome."

"Maybe to other jellyfish!" said Shadow.

Silver got mad. "WHAT DID YOU SAY!?" Silver's focus was interrupted and he ended up lifting Blaze instead of Sonic.

"Silver," Blaze said calmly.

"Is the living organism turning on his anger units?" laughed Omega.

"Rawwrr!!" screamed Silver, unknowingly swinging Blaze around in the air with his telekinesis.

"Silver!" said Blaze. -Collision-

Silver and Blaze lay injured on the ground.

"This is all just inconvenient," said Bob.

Blaze sighed. "You really need to work on your composure, Silver."

Neither of them could get up, and Silver had a terrible headache, which prevented him from using his powers.

"Let's just think about this rationally," said Eggman. "Now, how would all of us benefit from this situation if Sonic just let go of the cliff? Think about it."

"I know how _I'd_ benefit from that," said Sonic. "I'd be free from your mouth."

"We'd all like to be free of that," said Rouge.

"Agreed," said Omega, Shadow, and Bob.

"You too, Bob?!" said Eggman.

Bob nodded. "Sorry, but sometimes you just say too much..."

"Fine," Eggman said in a childish tone. "When I find a way up from here, you too shall face my wrath."

"I brought the Sol Emeralds, Blaze," said Silver, hauling them out of his fur.

"I'll focus on them then," said Blaze.

Eggman focused on the Sol Emeralds.

"Stop it!" said Rouge.

-Flash-

Eggman's mustache glowed red and pointed upward. Truly, Eggman was super-powered. "With these seven Sol Emeralds, I am **Eggceptional Egg**!" Eggman still struggled to get up from his tummy, but again, it didn't work.

"Great job," Sonic said in anger. "Like you couldn't learn from the first time."

"But I have, Sonic," Eggman said in a conceited tone. "Bob, toss me over the car jack!"

Bob pulled out a car jack and threw it over to Eggman. Eggman picked it up and put it under his stomach. He cranked himself up as though he was a car. Eggman was on his feet.

"Clever yet sad," said Blaze.

"Omega, can you replay back that whole scene?" asked Shadow. "That was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life! Including the super form!"

Everyone started laughing at Eggman.

"Eggceptional Egg?!" said Sonic, cackling.

"QUIET!" said Eggman. "Now that I'm up, death is at each of your doorsteps!" Eggman lifted his hands and they started to glow. "Goodbye, my dearest enemies and Bob!"

Knuckles glided onto the mountain right into Eggman's face. Eggman fell to his back again and his super form wore off.

"I can't believe you were actually going to kill me too!" said Bob. "No fourth helping of breakfast for you tomorrow!"

"NOOO!" said Eggman at the current failure and thought of a smaller portioned breakfast.

Knuckles got up and rudely took the Master Emerald from Rouge. He started walking away.

"Wait, Knuckles!" said Sonic. "You gotta save us before you leave!"

"Why?" said Knuckles.

"Because we'll die here if you don't!" said Rouge. "Oh, and I'm sorry about taking your emerald or something...so save me NOW!"

"Honestly, if the lot of you died, it'd be tons less stressful guarding the Master Emerald." Knuckles left.

"He's right," said Eggman. "I was going to steal it Tuesday."

"I was going to get it Wednesday," said Shadow.

"Why?"

"Just 'cus."

"I think my headache is clearing up," said Silver.

"I'm tired of all of you," said Rouge.

"Calculating time until deaths will be met," said Omega. "5 hours."

"Hurry up then, Silver!" said Sonic.

Silver focused on Sonic and lifted him onto the cliff. Though Sonic still was too injured to move.

"At least my hand gets some relief," said Sonic.

"Can you replenish yourself, Silver?" asked Blaze.

"I think I have enough power to..." said Silver.

"Freak," said Shadow.

"Shadow, stop it!" said Bob. "Silver is just _different_."

"Fine," said Shadow.

Silver wanted to cry. "I can't do this!"

"Thanks a lot, guys," Sonic said while breathing hard.

"For the main hero guy, you're not very cheerful," said Eggman.

"THAT'S BECAUSE I'M DRASTICALLY INJURED AND HAVE TO PUT UP WITH YOU!"

"Or maybe this is your true side. Shadow does evil things, but lately, it seems like his disposition is more sunny than yours."

"Exactly," Shadow said with a smile while thinking of a burning building.

"4 hours until deaths will be met," said Omega.

"Let's just scream for help," said Rouge. "We have no other options."

"HELP! TAILS! ANYONE!" screamed Sonic.

Tails was flying towards the group in the Tornado 2. "I've sensed your cry all the way from Hawaii! I'll save you guys!"

-Crash-

"How unfortunate," said Tails, laying on the ground in pain.

"These are your associates, Sonic?" said Blaze. "I can see why you try to remain so positive and happy when constantly having to be around people of this caliber. I feel empathy for your situation."

"I'm happy because it's just my personality!" shouted Sonic.

"I believe it has more to do with you coping with your bad environment. You pretend to be carefree and jolly as a way to avoid insanity with this company."

"Hey!" said Eggman. "I'm the only one certified to be jolly around here!"

Shadow snickered. "She called you dysfunctionally happy."

Sonic growled. "Oh yeah, Shadow? At least I have a likable personality!"

"Actually," said Blaze, "I find Shadow's personality more likable. Or at least more realistic in this setting."

"I tryz 2 keep it realz," said Shadow. "Gun-toting was really the only feasible way I saw fit to interact in this crazed world."

"Blaze, as if you know what a decent personality is!" said Sonic. "The people you've been acquainted to include an even tackier and more boring copy of Eggman with a card obsession, a dull, ugly, starfish-headed hedgehog, and an Australian raccoon who enjoys sailing."

"Seriously?!" Rouge said in ridicule. "Those are the people you hang out with!"

"Exactly!" said Sonic. "Maybe Blaze is so calm all the time to keep from the insanity of weirdos!"

"You're so childish, Sonic," said Blaze.

"Haha!" laughed Eggman. "You're childish!"

"All of you, quiet!" said Bob.

Silence fell.

"3 Hours until deaths shall be met," said Omega.

Bob continued to speak. "Now who else could we call to save us? Someone who would have better luck."

"Cream!" said Sonic. "She has rabbit's feet so she should be naturally lucky."

"How will we contact her?"

"What attracts rabbits?"

"I've got some carrots from last night's meal," said Eggman, pulling out buttery carrots from his pockets.

Bob squinted. "You had enough leftovers to put away for later use, but you still left no dinner for me?!"

"Think of the benefit of me doing so at this moment. Now we have a way to lure Cream here _and_ we all have food for our survival." Eggman immediately ate all the carrots.

"Mission is a failure," said Omega.

"What do we do now?" said Silver, who recovered from his cry-fest but still had a headache.

"Hi, everyone!" said Cream, just standing in the middle of the group. "I smelled carrots for a second and thought some were around...oh no! You guys are hurt!"

"You'll have to help us, Cream," said Tails.

"Sure, I'll..." Cream fell to the ground.

"What's wrong, Cream?!"

"I came towards the smell of carrots because I haven't eaten in days."

"Why not?!"

"Mom told me not to frolic too much before dinner, but I got carried away...and ended up frolicking for days. I couldn't stop, but when I came to my senses, I was starving. That's why I desperately came here! I'm so hungry!!" Cream began to cry and held her stomach.

"Do not cry, Cream," said Blaze. "We will get out of here alive."

"Of course," said Sonic.

"2 hours until deaths shall be met," said Omega.

"Anyone ever wonder why the fastest thing alive has no calf muscles?" asked Silver.

"They'd only slow me down," said Sonic.

"Actually, you shouldn't even be able to run."

"He's right," said Tails.

"I'm a hedgehog of speed, not details," said Sonic.

"I want to go home," Cream said, holding her stomach.

"I'm still hungry," said Eggman. "Which one of you animal characters can be eaten on the spot?"

"None of them," said Bob.

Big the Cat entered the area. "Have any of you guys seen Froggy?"

"No," said Sonic.

"Oh shoot. ...Have any of you guys seen Froggy?"

"Once again, no," said Sonic.

"Darn. ...Froggy?"

"HE'S NOT HERE!" screamed Rouge. "Now help us all out and call an ambulance!"

"You guys want to hear my new theme song for Froggy?"

"NO!"

_He's froggy. Sometimes he is a little groggy._

_Heads up, it's time to seeeeee, froggy is the friend for meeeee._

_So sorry, from now on it's just I and froggy._

_Even though, you may not know, him and me are the best in show._

_And when the world is foggy...the road is clear...with my friend froggyyyy._

"Thank You." Big walked off into the sunset.

"I now have a valid reason to kill," said Shadow.

"I thought the song was sweet," Cream said with a smile.

"Bob, I think you and me need a theme song," Eggman said with tears in his eyes.

"1 hour until deaths shall be met," said Omega.

"There is one other person we could call..." Tails said calmly, mildly glaring at Sonic.

"NO! NOT THAT!" shrieked Sonic.

"She is the only one left, Mr. Sonic," said Cream. "We'll die if we don't call Amy."

"Do you guys like living that much?" asked Sonic.

"YES!" replied everyone but Shadow.

"Meh," said Shadow.

"I guess I'll have to do it then," Sonic moaned. "Rouge, I think I'm in love with you!"

"WHAT!" said Rouge and Amy.

"Amy?!" said Rouge, looking up to see Amy's figure right in front of her.

"I knew it!" said Amy. "Ever since I laid eyes on your big portions, I knew you'd try to steal Sonikku from me! Time to put this to rest!" Amy gripped her hammer.

"As if," said Rouge, biting on Amy's leg.

Amy fell to the ground.

Sonic looked over. "See, what was supposed to happen was she comes _then_ saves us. Not comes and ends up like us. Great job, Rouge."

"She was about to pound my gorgeous face!" said Rouge.

"I won't forgive you!" yelled Amy, swinging her arms at Rouge in an attempt to clobber her.

"I wasn't serious about Rouge," Sonic said, agitated.

"Either way," said Rouge, "destruction isn't the way to get what you want. I prefer thievery."

"You can't steal someone's heart," said Shadow.

"But I can literally."

"Hey, Sonic!" said Amy. "Is this the spot for our honeymoon? I would rather we have it in a more secluded place with just you and me."

"If I wanted to reach lunacy," mumbled Sonic.

Amy gazed around and saw Cream. "Hi, Cream! What did you do last week?"

"I played Castlevania," Cream said sweetly.

"Really?" said Silver and Shadow.

"Isn't that too violent for you?" asked Shadow, knowing the game series all too well.

"No," said Cream, "I played Castlevania: Dawn of Happiness. When I first saw the zombies I was scared, but then I found out they give you flowers and hugs when you touch them."

"...Really," said Shadow. "And how do you know about the series, Silver?"

"I play video games a lot in the future. We're up to 'Castlevania: The Rise of the Dracula's forthcoming' now."

"30 minutes until deaths shall be met," said Omega.

"Remember when we were little, Silver?" Blaze said in a happy tone, trying to reminisce before deaths shall be met.

"Yeah," said Silver, equally happy. "I went to the past in an effort to stop my teacher from giving me homework in the future. Good times... It's too bad we have to end it like this..."

Rouge sighed. "I wanted to steal candy from a baby before my life ended."

Shadow started, "I wanted to..."

"WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW!" said everyone.

"15 minutes until deaths shall be met," said Omega.

"Eggman, can't you invent a way out of this situation?" asked Bob.

"Now that you mention it..." said Eggman. He pulled out a red, a green, and a blue pill from his pocket. "I recently made these three pills that have temporary side effects. One has the power to heal! But I forgot what the other ones do."

"10 minutes until deaths shall be met," said Omega.

"Let me eat one!" said Bob.

"Hurry, me too!" said Silver.

"I'll eat it," said Rouge. "As long as I don't die here."

Eggman tossed the pills to Bob, Silver, and Rouge.

Bob ate the red pill, Silver ate the green pill, and Rouge ate the blue pill.

Bob instantly was covered in fire and rolled around in pain. "AAAAAHHHHH!!"

"Oh yes," said Eggman, "I remember now. That was 'Fire Red,' and it gives the user the power to burn up. I created it incase I ever wanted to barbecue on the go."

"But wouldn't you die from using it on yourself anyway?" asked Amy.

"I really like barbecue."

"BURNING OVER HERE!" yelled Bob. "SAVE NOW! AAAAAAAHHHH!!"

"Let's just overlook Bob and move on to Silver."

Silver started to get big lips. "They should call this whole situation 'Egg on a Hot Tin Cliff!' Bwahahaha!!"

"It seems as though Silver got 'Parody Green.' I made it incase I ever needed to parody in an emergency. ...If I were a rich egg, ba-da-be-da-ba-da-bum."

"That means I got the healing power!" Rouge squealed in delight. "I'll heal myself first, then I'll search all of you for cash, and after that, I'll leave you all here!" Rouge laughed and tried to heal herself. She still felt the same way. "What's going on?! Bleu. Bleu! I can't Bleu! stop saying Bleu!"

"Aha!" said Eggman, "it's 'Bleu Blue': The pill that makes all food tasteless. I made it so I could always eat Bob's cooking."

"I'm both offended and burning to death," said Bob.

"WHERE'S THE HEALING PILL!" screamed Sonic and Blaze.

"I guess I forgot to make it," Eggman replied. "I just invent so much, it gets hard to keep up sometimes."

"5 Minutes until deaths shall be met," said Omega.

"So this really is the end..." Sonic said, looking up into the sky.

"At least we're being sent off with a beautiful full moon," said Amy, gazing at the moon.

Tails panicked. "Did you say full moon?!"

"What's wrong, Tails?"

"N-Nothing. LOOK UP INTO THE SKY!! QUICK!"

Everyone looked up and saw nothing.

"What did you see?" asked Cream.

Tails's fur grew out and his teeth turned razor sharp. "I was too embarrassed to tell you guys...I was recently bitten by a werewolf. I'm a werefox...and now, my urges are taking over!! ...I'M GOING TO EAT YOU ALL!" Tails got up and started towards Eggman.

"Eeep!" said Eggman, trying to roll away.

Amy threw her hammer at Tails's head. Tails was knocked out and reverted to his normal form.

"I did it!" said Amy.

"Yay!" said everyone.

The End.

"Wait!" said Bob. "I'm not feeling very closured. Aren't we still going to die here in less than 5 minutes?"

"Less than 1," said Omega.

Vector, Charmy, and Espio ran up to the group.

"Hey guys, you forgot about us!" said Vector.

"Or didn't want you," said Shadow.

Vector, Charmy, and Espio all collapsed.

"Sheesh," said Sonic, "any reason you guys break down now?!"

"Coincidence, perhaps?" said Espio.

"I've brought a signal flare," said Charmy. Charmy shot it into the air.

"But who could save us now?" said Vector.

A herd of vans were coming fast from the distance and stopped right in front of the group.

"Who could that be?" said Cream.

Vector looked in amazement. "It's! It's! ...PETA!"

Numerous people exited the vans and quickly nursed everyone to health.

Sonic's pain turned into a gentle backrub.

Tails's unconsciousness and werewolf infection were treated with a new SUV and wolfsbane.

Cream was fed a bushel of carrots.

Espio acquired the latest issue of Spy Magazine.

Shadow was given a gun. He soon regained his composure.

Silver got a new hairstyle like Fonzie's. "Eeeehhhh!!"

Charmy was given some Honey Nut Cheerios.

Blaze received some catnip.

Omega got an upgraded motherboard.

Amy got a promise ring, which she assumed was from Sonic.

Vector got his own talk show.

Rouge looted the person who was nursing her back to health.

Eggman and Bob got nothing.

"I wish I was an animal right now," said Eggman.

"Omega isn't even an animal," remarked Bob.

The Very End.

P.S. Eggman and Bob did not die on the cliff. They went on to pursue very fulfilling careers in real estate.


End file.
